I want to share some more personal thoughts with you as hopefully one day when you are preparing to have your first child or when you do have your first it can provide some insight into what your own mom experienced.
These last three weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions. The high's have been great but there has been anxious and blue moments! This is the biggest change I have ever gone through and to tell you the truth it is not always easy. Trying to find myself again has been a challenge. My major new role is to be your mom! And I want to be the best mom I can to you! But at the same time I am grieving my old life! Your dad and I have had the luxury to be pretty "selfish" these last three years...we have traveled a lot, been spontaneous, done triathlons, been very social.....now you have entered our life and I know we will establish a new normal and it will be wonderful, but the transition is tough! I would never want to go back and I am so happy you are here. But I think I have put this expectation on myself that I should be enjoying every moment with you and be so happy all the time. Therefore I feel guilty that I am not. But in reality I am sleep deprived and feeling somewhat isolated being alone all day! Yesterday (with the help of your wonderful dad) I realized that it is okay to have some of the feelings that I am having and that they are normal and that I shouldn't feel guilty. This was a huge weight off my shoulders.
Yesterday my goal was to nap during the day, which was really hard, but I did get two small ones in! When your dad got home we had dinner and then walked to Liz and Iain's to say hi. It was a perfect summer evening, somewhat cool and everything smelled fresh! That was definitely a high. Yesterday morning we went and visited Beth and Benjamin. (Beth is a co-worker of mine and Benjamin was born a week after you!). It was great to get out of the house and hang out with another new mom!
You got a bath this morning. It went a lot better than the 2 previous ones! I think you might have even enjoyed it. You didn't cry until the end when I took you out of the water. But as soon as I got you snuggled up you were happy again! I shouldn't jinx things but you have been really peaceful and calm today.....hopefully that doesn't mean a rough night to come. Last night overall went well. You tend to be fussy late in the evening so it takes a while to get you settle down for the first time but after that you slept in 3 hour increments which meant I did too! While was great!
Well time to wake you up and feed you as we have to bring Lucy to get her haircut at 12:30! Speaking of Lucy, she is so cute with you! Below if a picture of her "guarding" you while you sleep in you pack n play!
All wrapped up after your bath!!
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